I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
