he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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