It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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