i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
tequila makes me forget i have legs
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize