So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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