the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
