Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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