"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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