I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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