After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
