can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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