come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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