evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
