I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
