Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
