then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
