Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
