When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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