she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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