From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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