just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
