I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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