He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
