when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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