First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
