you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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