i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
