I just gift wrapped bread.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
