you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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