I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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