We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im part way to drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
