i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
