farters have to be the big spoon...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
