but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
