You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
