Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
