I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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