I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
