The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
