oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he laminated a picture of his dick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She needs sedatives and a leash
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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