saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
