Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
