did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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