u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My liver just broke up with me...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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