I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
