im about as happy as oj after his trial
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
third nipple confirmed
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
