did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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