The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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