I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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