i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So many bounce houses so little time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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