So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
