You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
