I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
