he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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