Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
