guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
