I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's never too late to be topless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
