I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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