woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it