Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.