ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.