this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.