I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.