But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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