are you still at the devil's house?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
